[RYSLIG] IC Inbox

[beatemall]

< BadMachine2004 > — normal handle
< KidArachnid > — used for hero work
< Sunflower > — anonymous posting

Comments

<not-a-viking>

[dauvkind]

[He should've done this a lot earlier, Sigrud knows now. Talk about his problems, not run away from them, leave Miles with nothing but one note and no information where he was. If he was alright, though he still has a hard time believing that Miles cares, after what happened.

Given that Reira already chided him for letters being wrong for this, he searches the kid out on the Network this time.]

I'm here now, if you still want to talk. Or anywhere outside – I'll be there.

(OOC: Dated forward to November 2023)

<BadMachine2004> probably sometime early in the first week of Nov

[beatemall]

[To say that Miles has been avoiding Sigrud would only be a half-truth. The last time he saw the old bear, it was on the worst possible terms—and the only thing he knew about where he could've possibly went was learned second-hand through Reira. Which, wasn't really information used in the long run.

But now that Sig is reaching out, on his own, through the network and not a passed-along note... Miles has a much harder time just ignoring the uncomfortable elephant between them.]

hey sig

[—is what he types first, but promptly deletes because really, even Miles can tell that it's just some attempt to sweep his discomfort under the bus. He doesn't know if he wants to meet in person, not just yet, but he also doesn't know... What he wants to even say to the guy in the first place.

So, he throws shit at the wall. See what sticks.]

idk if theres much to talk about
even an apology just...doesnt change what happened

and like i get it
you lost your cool we all do sometimes
but you gotta understand sig
ive had to watch so many people die for no reason here
IVE died for no fucking reason!!!

and when i tried to come to you to
idk
get some advice or maybe just a hug
you looked at me like i was a walking nightmare

i cant just ignore that
i cant just forget that look and how every stranger i walk past now gives the same one to me

<not-a-viking>

[dauvkind]

I know. There are no words to make this right.
This shouldn't have happened and I have no explanation as to why it did
please just know it wasn't your fault. Never.
It wasn't you I'd been thinking off, just before.

[But his daughter, the one he only just got back after too many years of distance. At least this messaging makes it easier to take a pause, to calm himself once more before continuing.]

You shouldn't have experienced such horrors, so young. No one should.
But please, don't make the same mistake as I and let it shape who you are now.
I don't care what you are now, what you look like. Perhaps it's just that I've seen too many horrors and am numb to it. But you are still the bright kid who gave me a piece of home, when I had nothing else.

[The mural. He misses it still, but life in the cities isn't fitting him.]

<BadMachine2004>

[beatemall]

[Miles knows, deep down, that it wasn't his fault. How could it be? He didn't make Sigrud rampage, not really. Sure, he could've been the trigger, but Sig's actions are his own.

But then there's the second voice within his head, the one that whispers insidious and needling, telling him that a real hero would've stepped in instead of freezing up. A voice that sneers, you have no right to call yourself Spider-Man, because even without powers, he should've tried to fight. It burns within him, ignites a fire that he has to control, so as to not take out his frustrations with himself on Sigrud—but it's difficult.]

thats your problem
you keep babying me!
you have NO idea who i am or what ive been through
well im not the idealized version of me youve got in your mind
ive fought bad guys and seen shit a lot of normal kids my age couldnt even dream of ok?

[The platitudes are just that—Sigrud doesn't want him to experience horrible things? Well, it's already too late for that, isn't it. Why is it that every time he just wants to seek out comfort, he gets a lecture or excuses instead?]

i just wanted to talk to you that day you know?
i dont have my dad here and not having that is
im not used to it
but now i dont really feel comfortable seeing you either
maybe we both made too many assumptions about each other

<not-a-viking>

[dauvkind]

[Even through messages, Sigrud can hear the anger, so similar to Tatys, when they tried to shelter her from reality just a little bit longer. When he finally talked business, she'd cried and he hopes to not blunder so this time. But the next words will be chosen carefully.]

You're right.

I saw something I thought worth preserving and... it does not matter, what it was. It wasn't my choice to make. You're more than old enough to have hold of your own life. I've led crews, had my own household, married and had my first daughter, when I was not much younger.

[And buried what he thought to be their bones, not long after.]

Perhaps we both started off with wrong expectations, on what would be.
I'm honored you thought I could take the place of your father, even a little bit. I know I've never been the best one to my own family.
If you want me to leave for good, I'll do that.
But I'd miss you, the chance to really get to know you.

<BadMachine2004>

[beatemall]

[It takes Miles several readings of Sigrud's messages to really absorb the meaning. There was miscommunications had, on both sides, and it wouldn't be right to answer straight away with feelings only. Sigrud's...trying—even if Miles is uncomfortable, he also has to give the guy some leeway, simply for being from a different dimension with a different culture.

One that's made more apparent by his supposed marriage and child-rearing at such a young age.]

i dont think leaving for good would do much
were stuck on this peninsula together so we should get along

and i was wrong too i guess
i tried to use you as a stand in for my dad and that wasnt fair cause yall arent the same
which isnt bad but its not healthy
for either of us

so im down for starting fresh
getting to know each other as we are

[It's the least Miles can do—offering another chance—considering Sigrud did save him when they first arrived in Ryslig.]

i guess i should start by saying i come from a place where killing people in open public view is super frowned upon
i mean killing people period is very bad
but a massacre is like the worst

<not-a-viking>

[dauvkind]

There sure isn't enough room to hide here.

[And he's tried, from Reira, since it was clear she'd come to talk with him when he wasn't ready for it. Though ultimately it helped, is why he's doing this now.]

I can't be your father. I don't think anyone could ever take that place, for any of us. And I've not been a very good one to Signe and Carin either.
But I can be there, when you need it. Try to, at least.

[Surely he'll make mistakes still, he's far from perfect and knows it. On top he isn't even leaving in Bavan anymore, feeling more at home between Djavulenstad, the lighthouse and his boat.]

So it's for the Continent. And I don't want to kill anymore. Perhaps I never wanted to and that part of myself only got quieted for too long.
But it was my job, for the longest time. Not just people, Divine creatures. Gods.
Ambassador, the Ministry called it. Spy would fit better. Heroes, perhaps, when we did something the public favoured. But most of that credit went to my partner, Shara.

[Adding, after a couple minutes:]

I did many bad things that I'm not proud of. A lot of horrors happening to me brought that path on, but what excuse is that?

<BadMachine2004>

[beatemall]

i...id like that i think
i was always so close with my uncle and my dad
i like having that male bonding i guess
it feels a little less lonely if i got someone i can go to for advice
im sure youve got plenty of it even if it came from bad experiences

[Miles chews on his bottom lip, tapping out replies that swiftly get deleted, then retyping his thoughts out.]

being good is a choice
sometimes to survive we gotta do things we aint proud of but that doesnt define you
you can be the change you wanna see

and youre not the only fuck up
i hesitated
made a mistake
it cost me my uncle and my father his brother
i dont think i couldve done anything differently as the person i was back then
but i carry that with me forever now

so if you say you dont wanna kill
i believe you
and ill hold you accountable if you want that

<not-a-viking>

[dauvkind]

Then I'll be there. And give what advice I have.

[Many of which got earned in blood, but if it will keep Miles from having to make some of the same mistakes, it'll at least be used for good.]

There are things one cannot walk away from unchanged.
I've lost Signe, because I didn't see the danger we were in in time.
My father... we've never had the best relationship. But it still hurt, when I returned from a journey and found him and my brothers gone. And no one even remembered that I existed too.

[It's an odd feeling, to be forgotten in a coup. To be the only one left alive, because you weren't important enough to be remembered.]

You and Reira too. It's not a burden you have to carry alone.
There are so many horrors
I lost who I am, for the longest time.

<BadMachine2004>

[beatemall]

[He does his best to not think about what could happen to his family while being gone. Miles has seen the reality where his dad dies, knows how much his mom struggles and suffers—and in that reality, she still had him and uncle aaron. What would happen, now, if his dad were to be killed protecting the innocent, and he wasn't even there to hold his mother after? How broken will her heart be to lose all of her family in a matter of a year?

Miles doesn't want to think about it, but those are the thoughts that swim through his mind when he reads of Sigrud's own loss. His guts twist in his belly like coiled snakes, ready to strike, and all he can do is pluck keys on a clunky old laptop, and deal with the situation they've both found themselves in.]

im sorry sigrud
no one should have to deal with losin family like that

honestly
while being here
i know my dads in danger
im stuck in ryslig and i know for a fact theres a bad guy gunning straight for my dad and he plans to kill him and it

[Miles' expression tenses, as if holding back tears that couldn't fall even if he wanted them to. And then he exhales a held breath, continuing—]

we all have stuff were carrying
but the burden is lighter when its shared right?
so stop carrying yours alone man
you gotta lean on us too
you can be the person you were before all of that
or as close to that person you can be now

<not-a-viking>

[dauvkind]

From what I heard, by people here who are from the same world, but different times in it – they don't remember the others vanishing. So I choose to believe that we'll all be back one day, to pick off where we left.
That it's not too late for your father or for me to protect Taty.

[Perhaps he has really has some advice to give, even if it's only the reassurance of seeing humans pick themselves back up again. A lifetime of things working out, somehow.]

You're right. It's been too long, of having no one to talk to.
I'm just afraid you'll not look at me the same, after. That hearing it will hurt you, if less so than living through it did.
And some of it is not good to tell in messages.

[Not that they need to meet right now and exchange horror stories. But what influenced him most are stories he can barely bear to tell once and certainly not the kind he trusts on any kind of unknown network.]

<BadMachine2004>

[beatemall]

[Miles pauses, leaving Sigrud's messages unanswered for perhaps a bit too long. It's a lot to take in—there's a gravity he understands in the words spoken, not something he can simply brush aside and shoulder without a care. He very well might hear about things he'd rather not know, but...

What good would it be for them to not overcome what's put this wall between them?]

it doesnt have to be everything
not all at once
but maybe we can talk about the stuff that made you react the way you did
i know im young but im pretty emotionally mature so

and im also kinda worried you dont really have anyone else to talk to

<not-a-viking>

[dauvkind]

I never thought you too young for it.
It's just... not a nice story. None of it.

[And the pieces fit so closely together they're hard to separate, like his life is a single path he couldn't escape from. He wants to be careful, to not overwhelm Miles or himself.]

I do talk with others, when I can bear to. But you're the one needing to hear it most, I think.

Do you know of a good place, to sit in some quiet?