[RYSLIG] IC Inbox

[beatemall]

< BadMachine2004 > — normal handle
< KidArachnid > — used for hero work
< Sunflower > — anonymous posting

Comments

<not-a-viking>

[dauvkind]

There sure isn't enough room to hide here.

[And he's tried, from Reira, since it was clear she'd come to talk with him when he wasn't ready for it. Though ultimately it helped, is why he's doing this now.]

I can't be your father. I don't think anyone could ever take that place, for any of us. And I've not been a very good one to Signe and Carin either.
But I can be there, when you need it. Try to, at least.

[Surely he'll make mistakes still, he's far from perfect and knows it. On top he isn't even leaving in Bavan anymore, feeling more at home between Djavulenstad, the lighthouse and his boat.]

So it's for the Continent. And I don't want to kill anymore. Perhaps I never wanted to and that part of myself only got quieted for too long.
But it was my job, for the longest time. Not just people, Divine creatures. Gods.
Ambassador, the Ministry called it. Spy would fit better. Heroes, perhaps, when we did something the public favoured. But most of that credit went to my partner, Shara.

[Adding, after a couple minutes:]

I did many bad things that I'm not proud of. A lot of horrors happening to me brought that path on, but what excuse is that?

<BadMachine2004>

[beatemall]

i...id like that i think
i was always so close with my uncle and my dad
i like having that male bonding i guess
it feels a little less lonely if i got someone i can go to for advice
im sure youve got plenty of it even if it came from bad experiences

[Miles chews on his bottom lip, tapping out replies that swiftly get deleted, then retyping his thoughts out.]

being good is a choice
sometimes to survive we gotta do things we aint proud of but that doesnt define you
you can be the change you wanna see

and youre not the only fuck up
i hesitated
made a mistake
it cost me my uncle and my father his brother
i dont think i couldve done anything differently as the person i was back then
but i carry that with me forever now

so if you say you dont wanna kill
i believe you
and ill hold you accountable if you want that

<not-a-viking>

[dauvkind]

Then I'll be there. And give what advice I have.

[Many of which got earned in blood, but if it will keep Miles from having to make some of the same mistakes, it'll at least be used for good.]

There are things one cannot walk away from unchanged.
I've lost Signe, because I didn't see the danger we were in in time.
My father... we've never had the best relationship. But it still hurt, when I returned from a journey and found him and my brothers gone. And no one even remembered that I existed too.

[It's an odd feeling, to be forgotten in a coup. To be the only one left alive, because you weren't important enough to be remembered.]

You and Reira too. It's not a burden you have to carry alone.
There are so many horrors
I lost who I am, for the longest time.

<BadMachine2004>

[beatemall]

[He does his best to not think about what could happen to his family while being gone. Miles has seen the reality where his dad dies, knows how much his mom struggles and suffers—and in that reality, she still had him and uncle aaron. What would happen, now, if his dad were to be killed protecting the innocent, and he wasn't even there to hold his mother after? How broken will her heart be to lose all of her family in a matter of a year?

Miles doesn't want to think about it, but those are the thoughts that swim through his mind when he reads of Sigrud's own loss. His guts twist in his belly like coiled snakes, ready to strike, and all he can do is pluck keys on a clunky old laptop, and deal with the situation they've both found themselves in.]

im sorry sigrud
no one should have to deal with losin family like that

honestly
while being here
i know my dads in danger
im stuck in ryslig and i know for a fact theres a bad guy gunning straight for my dad and he plans to kill him and it

[Miles' expression tenses, as if holding back tears that couldn't fall even if he wanted them to. And then he exhales a held breath, continuing—]

we all have stuff were carrying
but the burden is lighter when its shared right?
so stop carrying yours alone man
you gotta lean on us too
you can be the person you were before all of that
or as close to that person you can be now

<not-a-viking>

[dauvkind]

From what I heard, by people here who are from the same world, but different times in it – they don't remember the others vanishing. So I choose to believe that we'll all be back one day, to pick off where we left.
That it's not too late for your father or for me to protect Taty.

[Perhaps he has really has some advice to give, even if it's only the reassurance of seeing humans pick themselves back up again. A lifetime of things working out, somehow.]

You're right. It's been too long, of having no one to talk to.
I'm just afraid you'll not look at me the same, after. That hearing it will hurt you, if less so than living through it did.
And some of it is not good to tell in messages.

[Not that they need to meet right now and exchange horror stories. But what influenced him most are stories he can barely bear to tell once and certainly not the kind he trusts on any kind of unknown network.]

<BadMachine2004>

[beatemall]

[Miles pauses, leaving Sigrud's messages unanswered for perhaps a bit too long. It's a lot to take in—there's a gravity he understands in the words spoken, not something he can simply brush aside and shoulder without a care. He very well might hear about things he'd rather not know, but...

What good would it be for them to not overcome what's put this wall between them?]

it doesnt have to be everything
not all at once
but maybe we can talk about the stuff that made you react the way you did
i know im young but im pretty emotionally mature so

and im also kinda worried you dont really have anyone else to talk to

<not-a-viking>

[dauvkind]

I never thought you too young for it.
It's just... not a nice story. None of it.

[And the pieces fit so closely together they're hard to separate, like his life is a single path he couldn't escape from. He wants to be careful, to not overwhelm Miles or himself.]

I do talk with others, when I can bear to. But you're the one needing to hear it most, I think.

Do you know of a good place, to sit in some quiet?