[RYSLIG] IC Inbox

[beatemall]

< BadMachine2004 > — normal handle
< KidArachnid > — used for hero work
< Sunflower > — anonymous posting

Comments

[beatemall]

[It's funny—the short time in which he's known Robin is both shorter and longer than he's known some of the best friends he's ever had and yet... Did they ever say any of this to him?

When had Gwen, or Peter, told him they were sorry that his uncle was actually Prowler, and that he had to hold the second father he had in life while he took his last breaths.

And yet here she is, saying more, conveying more now even though she doesn't even understand the depth of it.]

thanks...
uncle aaron thought like that too
i think you wouldve liked him

i really really wanted to be like him
actually
it was while hangin with him that i got my powers by accident

which is to say im like
a real hero
or was
so while i agree normal teens shouldnt be a hero
if i have the power to save people im gonna
thats also just the right thing to do

[grivences]

Oh
OK

[ Weirdly, Miles is not the first person with superpowers Robin has met. He's not even the first teen with superpowers, nor the first teen with superpowers who's trying to use them to save the world, to do the right thing.

But Robin never really knew Eleven. They met in a whirlwind the night of the mall attack, and then as soon as Robin became aware of Eleven's existence, she was gone again to California. Robin would've liked to get to know her better, instead of the second hand synopsis she ended up getting from Steve and Dustin, but she never got the chance. ]

I definitely want to know more about you being a hero, and I'll probably annoy you with a million questions, but I do realize this is not the best time for me to be a nerd so I'll hold back for now.

[ When they're not both recovering from mass panic and group suicides, she is absolutely going to geek out. ]

I don't change anything I said.
I can totally see you being a hero, because you're a good person, and I've seen first hand you doing everything you could to try to save a life.

[ Her life. Keyword "try," but she's going to try not to pause too long on that, because the failure is not the important part here. ]

Even if I didn't know you were a hero back home, you were already my hero here. AND my friend.

I think... Whatever you thought was the right thing to do, probably was in that moment.
And now we just need to help each other find the right thing to do going forward from here.

[beatemall]

[Surprisingly, the sentiment isn't all that lost on Miles. Offhandedly, it reminds him of Ganke, when he came out as Spider-Man to him, and how sharing that secret only really deepened the friendship between them. Outside of Spider-society, Ganke was the only person who could even come close to understanding him, the only person who made him feel just a little less alone in the world.

And surprisingly, when faced with that realization, Miles finds that those feelings he holds for Ganke are similar to the ones he holds for Robin. She's the closest thing he has to a best friend here—aside from Peter, who really feels more like an older brother than anything.]

my friend ganke said the same thing when i told him back home lol
i wouldnt mind answering whatever questions you have but...yea
maybe after i stop feeling like shit?

[Which if slowly feeling like sooner than later, the longer this conversation goes on. Miles has already settled into bed, with his blankets tucked around him cozily, finding himself relaxing into comfort almost by accident.]

my dad would say im reckless
maybe its cause i was raised by a cop and a nurse
caring about people is just something my family does...did

[Seconds pass, Miles anxiously tapping his fingers against the flat face of his keyboard before finally deciding, fuck it, and typing out something that feels just a little embarrassing.]

thanks for always having my back robin
youre my best friend and youre always checking in on me damn
are YOU okay???
this convo feels a little one sided

reference to mass suicide (probably should've been a warning on this whole thread whoops)

[grivences]

Does.

[ She gently corrects. ]

I'm sure wherever your family is, they're still out there caring about people like they always have.
Just like the people I left back home.

[ Not her parents. They don't really care about much of anything, anymore. But Dustin, Nancy, everyone else fighting Vecna. Robin's sure they're still out there trying to fix things. ]

That is, unless the world ended, which we'll just have to hope hasn't happened.
It's better, I think, to assume the best instead of the worst.
Even if the worst is sometimes easier to imagine.

[ God knows Robin's had her share of pessimism. But she's trying to be different, now. To do as she says, not as she does. ]

I'll be alright. I didn't volunteer.
I'm not going to lie, I thought about it.
And there's still a little part of me that feels like maybe it was selfish of me not to do it.
But I had more important worries at the time, just trying to keep the people I was with safe.
Which they are, now.
We all are.
As safe as we can be, right?

HONESTLY yeah, just blanket cw: mass suicide/sacrifice talk all the way down

[beatemall]

[It pulls a tired smile across his face.]

yea nah youre right
it is better
not just for you or me but i think its good for everyone

[Anyone can wear the mask. Robin can wear the mask. Spider-Man is something that is embodied, not a singular person who exists. And Spider-Man is a harbinger of hope, of relentless underdog optimism.

But even then, as Robin speaks of the events just weeks prior, Miles can feel that weight descending down on him again, his head buoyed over the torrent of discomfort by the fact that she stayed away from the mess herself.]

good im
im glad you didnt
youre not selfish at all
you still did the right thing protecting people and thats what matters

[It's what he should've done, in retrospect. Maybe then he wouldn't have to look at the ugly knot festering inside of him, full of regret and budding self-hatred that he's still desperately trying to keep down.]

im just worried because now its becoming pretty obvious that this shit happens often
and we gotta keep making sure we stay safe when the next big thing comes
but...how?

[grivences]

It's like eating your vegetables.
It's not always easy or fun, but it's good to do anyway.

Someone once told me that things here have a tendency to escalate.
I'm kind of afraid to see what escalation from the world almost ending will look like.
But regardless of what comes, we have to just keep trying to live our lives as usual.
If you learn about the nightmares happening all the time, but you let them stop you from going about your day...
Then the nightmares win.

cw: depression

[beatemall]

[Survival isn't the same as living. Miles knows that, has always held fast to the things that make life worth living. He'd leap blindly, holding his faith that things would end up alright... But being in Ryslig has made him scared, anxious of what could leap back at him from the bottom.

Maybe having allies makes it a little bit easier. Like his Spider-people, having friends like Robin—people who are the same as him in the ways that matter—makes enduring it all easier. Even still, when will they stop having to endure? When will the sun rise on a day where it doesn't feel like he's fighting just to keep his head above the water?]

yea i know
i know we have to keep going cause if we give up that means ryslig wins

but its so hard robin
i just want to hug my dad again
i want to eat my moms cooking
ive fought so many villains ive held my uncle as he died in my arms
but this is still the hardest fucking thing ive ever had to do

it isnt fair man

[grivences]

No. It isn't fair.

[ Nothing in Robin's life has really been "fair," lately. But usually when one thing goes to shit, something else will come along that's good. She got kidnapped by Russians, but got a new best friend out of it. She got kidnapped by the Fog God, but met people like Miles and Vash.

If the bad things keep on coming, but the good things stagnate...

Robin doesn't want to think about what she'll do then. ]

I don't really know what to say to make it better.
I don't know if there's anything I can say.

But we have each other.
So, next time I see you, you're getting a hug.
I may not be your dad, but I've still got arms.

[beatemall]

[There's nothing that can be said to make it better, and they both know that. The sentiment, at the very least is a nice one. That even if he can't have his family, he isn't completely alone, is really the only thought that keeps him afloat here.]

its ok
just knowing you got my back is enough robin
and thank you
again
for checking up on me

[At the mention of a hug though, Miles feels his chest tighten.

He's been so afraid of touching others since developing his decay magic that he's desperate for physical contact. It was always so natural before. The bump of a fist or a dap between friends, the strong embrace of his father's arms, the way his mom would cup his face and pepper him with kisses. Physical affection was something Miles used to give out with reckless abandon, but now....]

i could use a hug i think

[grivences]

[ You know... Maybe Robin could use a hug, too. She was never really a hug fan of affectionate physical contact. Something about the feeling of arms around her usually makes her feel penned in, trapped, instead of safe and loved like a hug is supposed to make you feel. When Robin stops to think about whether she needs a hug, it's less about craving the intimate touch of a loved one, and more about whether she needs concrete proof or reassurance that someone is close by who cares about her. A hug wouldn't feel good, but it might make the anxious buzzing in her brain slow down for a minute. ]

I get off my shift at Poundmates in half an hour.
If you can wait that long.
If not, you can always stop by here, for a hug and bonus cute, fluffy animals.

[beatemall]

[It's sudden, and with the suggestion of actually going out to see someone, Miles realizes that he probably looks like shit. No amount of showering could freshen up a corpse that hasn't eaten its monthly human meal in awhile, who's also on the tail end of a manic-depressive episode.

...But knowing that it'd be Robin he's seeing buoys him, ever so slightly. She's safe, and that's a comfort that's just enough justification for him to send his reply:]

ill try not to look and smell like a sad zombie hermit and head on over
itd be nice to pet some animals
hopefully no dogs try to eat me tho